To start off our week, I have a special guest post today from a dear bloggy sister and friend of mine, Ashley. She is a GEM, you guys. We both contribute to Quite Magazine, and she writes a wonderful blog called Always Ashley. I love her heart for the Lord, her husband, and ministering to young women. A passion of mine in my life and ministry is waiting on God's timing in relationships and saving sex for marriage - and she offers some very important insight and wisdom on this topic that NEEDS to be talked about - how to approach the beautiful gift of sex within marriage! I know her heart and words will bless you!
Take it away, Ashley!
When Erin and I first began to discuss what I would write about this month, no other topic sounded louder in my spirit than this.
If you're familiar with this blog, then you know our sweet friend Erin has an unrelenting passion for spreading the message of sexual purity to as many women and young girls as she possibly can. I've been reading Sweetness Itself for a little over a year now, and her determination is nothing less than inspiring. However, there is one area that I feel is missing from this message that she simply cannot touch on yet: How do you approach sex after marriage?
Now, if you are reading this because you want a finite example as to how sexual intimacy will be once you and your beloved have entered into a holy covenant with God, then I suggest you stop reading now. All I can do is give you a glimpse into the expected and unexpected moments that my husband and I experienced as newlyweds.
|One of our engagement pictures. Love me some him!|
Then...there were the other times.
Times when temptation got the worst of us and we allowed battles with purity to be lost.
I know my husband has mentioned before that he felt once we were married the pressure that engulfed our desire to honor one other and our Faith with our bodies would be lifted to sense. Not that we wouldn't be focused on Him anymore, but that we would be more comfortable with the simply things like cuddling, kissing, hugging (yes, I said hugging), etc.
I don't think I was ever certain of this, but I remained hopeful.
Unfortunately, not much changed on my end after we were married. Even though we now had the freedom to honor God through engaging in sexual intimacy, I still found myself feeling guilty. Those feelings stemmed from so many places.
Initially, I believe it was because I'd been try to stay committed to reserving my body for my future husband that once he was here I didn't quite know how to handle it. The whole idea of having sex with him seemed wrong. Whew...that's hard to admit. And it was even more difficult for him to come to terms with. He often felt it was because I wasn't attracted to him, but that certainly was not the case. I mean really, have y'all seen my "Mr. Hottie McHotness of a Belizean-Christian" husband (*wink wink*)?!? Being attracted to him certainly was NOT the problem! I honestly just did not know what to do. So much had gone wrong within both of us before we got married, even before we met. When it came to engaging in sexual activity, we'd both had several other partners in our past. We'd been in unholy relationships where we focused on our own happiness instead of bringing joy to our Father. I found myself in relationships where I was using physical intimacy in an attempt to fill voids in my heart. Voids from not feeling wanted by my biological father. Voids from feeling rejected in social areas of my life. Voids from not truly understanding my value in Christ.
When I gave my life to Christ, all of that changed. I wholly became His and being someone sexually seemed so off to me. I almost felt like I was cheating on God. For months, I couldn't even have sex with my husband without wearing my wedding ring. It was as if I needed to be reminded that it was okay, that I wasn't just satisfying my flesh, but that we'd made a covenant before God and He was pleased with us. Memories of experiences with past partners were now tainting something that was supposed to be so holy, so sacred.
All of this may sound like I've been sipping the crazy sauce, but I'm just trying to be real.
I know a lot of Erin's readers come here to hear her heart for purity and abstinence, and that many of you are waiting for that day when you can finally share yourself with your husband.
It's a beautiful thing.
Don't allow Satan to ruin that for you when the time comes.
If you've remained sexually pure leading up to your wedding day, embrace intimacy with your husband whole-heartedly and know that it is a way to honor him and the wonderful God we serve. If you, like me, gave pieces of yourself away to someone who was undeserving, remember that Christ's blood has washed you clean from every sin. The you who will be wrapped in your spouse's arms in the future, is not the same you that once found solace in fleshly gratification. If your innocence was taken from you through abuse of any kind, you must understand that God has always been with you and that you are still precious to Him. He has now blessed you with someone you can trust to keep you safe, to protect you, to be your covering, and you be an example of His love to continuously counteract the pain you endured.
My sisters, I pray these words touch your heart and ease your spirit. I pray your marriage is beautiful in every way God intends it to be, and that you embrace every aspect of it with joy, patience and love.
With A Servant's Heart,