I am happy and honored to share a special lady and her words with you today. Elaini Garfield is one of my dearest “Internet friends” - she is a woman of grace, kindness, timely words, closeness with our Jesus, and a strength of spirit built by hard-earned endurance through pain, and a steadfast joy, through it all. I asked her to share her beautiful heart today on the topic of waiting, of singleness and waiting — something I wrote about for many years, here in this very space… waiting, it’s something we all walk through various seasons of our lives. And I know you will be as uplifted as I am by Elaini’s heartfelt words of hope here today:

“One green, one red, one wine, two black, two grey, three pink dresses. Phew, if you’re counting that’s 10 dresses. Ten bridesmaid dresses to be more specific. While I certainly haven’t kept them all stuffed away in a closet like Katherine Heigl’s character in 27 Dresses I have had some wonderful times in them. It has been an honor to stand next to my friends while they say, “I do” to marriage. Yet the one dress I haven’t had the opportunity to wear is a white dress, a wedding dress.

Singleness is a topic I’ve been incredibly tight lipped about, especially when it comes to writing or sharing online. When Erin asked me to share my heart on singleness for women who are single and long to be married I was humbled and also slightly apprehensive. But I’m learning that there is power when you write from the middle of the story. So here I am in the messy, wonderful middle of this glorious thing called life. My life doesn’t start after I get married. Life is very much happening right now and if you are single, so is yours. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…not even yourself!

As a little girl I didn’t have concrete plans about my life but I did have a hazy idea that I would get married older (i.e. 26 ha ha) and have one or two children by the time I turned thirty. Well here I am having just turned 32 and I can assure you that my story has gone quite differently than I thought. It hasn’t been the easiest journey but it has been the best one for me. God has used these years of singleness in my life and I am incredibly grateful for how he has been faithful. I’ve found deep abiding joy in Him. If there’s one thing I want you to leave with from this chat it’s that God is good and he is faithful. Having a relationship with Jesus is greater than anything in this world. I cannot emphasize that enough. He is the lover of my soul, my true companion, my best friend, and my trusted confidante. For all my life he has been and will continue to be the most important part of it.

Even in saying all that I still know how it feels to think at times that God has forgotten you (He hasn’t! He says your name is engraved on the palms of his hands.). Sometimes I have to refuse the lies that whisper to me that maybe I did something wrong or God just made one man less than was needed. I know what it’s like to sit at a wedding and watch the father daughter dance and wonder if I’ll ever get to have that moment with my own amazing dad. I truly get it because I’m living it.

I’ve heard pretty much every angle and cliché thing anyone can say to you about singleness. Through it all I’ve seen this theme that tells a woman that she can’t be content AND longing at the same time. I’m here to refute that lie. You can. I am thriving and I love the life that I get to have with Jesus and the people around me. I also hope to one day get married. There was a time when I was actually scared about being content in singleness because I wondered if that meant God would think I wouldn’t want to get married! Since then I’ve learned that it doesn’t work that way. Sister, this may be hard to hear but we can either be miserable single or put that energy into being as happy as we can be where God has us. Feed faith, not fear. Start catching thoughts (take every thought captive like 2 Corinthians 10:5 says). Being content doesn’t mean you give up on your dream of marriage, it means you’re going to make the most of your place. This is so that you have something worthwhile to build off of when God moves you to a new space. Discover where your fears are really coming from and then turn to the scriptures to focus on what God has to say to you. This isn’t just singleness advice this is life advice.

Several years ago I had this shocking realization. I was feeling lonely and sad and discouraged and was dreaming about being married or at the very least engaged. “This feeling of loneliness must just be because I’m single,” I mused to myself. Within 24 hours God had neatly debunked that lie. One of my newly engaged friends texted me that she was really feeling lonely and so did two other friends…they were married. Here’s the thing, we all experience the same types of emotions, we just experience them in different settings. If we don’t learn how to respond to these things now as single women we will not simply get married and have a switch flip that makes us content, happy, satisfied, grateful, motivated, fun, interesting people. We get to become that now. Let’s not wait to become the women God designed us to be. Partner with Him. Do life with Him. This won’t make everything easy, waiting is still hard, but it does make everything better.

I want to be fully alive, vibrant, and growing if and when God brings me a husband. And if he should not, I know that I have already received what is best because I have Him. I will also know that I’ve grown. He has given himself to me and has wooed me even in my sin and shame. He never gives up pursuing my heart. God wants to woo your heart. Take his nail scarred hand in yours and let him lead you. Will you actively wait well? Remember, He is not finished with your story. Will you trust Him to write it for you?”

CONNECT WITH ELAINI

Instagram: @misselaini

Book: Spoken & Heard: 31 Conversations with the Maker of the Stars

On Singleness + Waiting by Elaini Garfield