this one's for the girls.

Who ever had a broken heart.

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"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those

who are crushed in spirit."

-Psalm 34:18

I kind of had this "ah-ha" moment the other night. About a guy I dated. And broke up with. And when I did, I didn't understand why the Lord allowed our relationship to end. More than losing the guy, it was mostly a loss of my dream to get married and have a family....losing that relationship made it all seem so much further away. I didn't understand why the Lord took "him" away. But now, boy am I glad He did. At the time, it seemed like the Lord was asking me to cut off my right arm...it seemed unbelievable, mean, heartless... senseless even. Yet, time has passed...and I am thankful.

He knows better than I do. Ha. Would would have thought, right?! The God of Universe knew when I was kicking and screaming "NO!!" that what He was doing was best. Well, He did. And I am a more humbled (and might I add, happy) version of myself because of it.

True, painful, searing heartache...the kind of keeps you up late at night sobbing, that sucks the wind and the life out of you, the kind that makes you not care (about life, or eating, or living another day).

Now, brokenhearted does not just refer to break ups with a boyfriend. Or a husband. Your heart break could be different. And very possibly, quite a great deal WORSE. Loss of a loved one. Loss of a child. It is loss that I am referring to. Loss in general. Loss of something so close to your heart you can't breathe because it's gone.

I'm just (in this post) focusing on break-ups because it is something close to my heart lately, something I recently experienced, and something that I think (to some degree or another) all of us women can relate to.

I get the "what if he comes back"s and the "maybe the Lord will change his heart"s. I get the "but I loved him"s and the "I miss his family." I get the memories that come back at the most random times...

When you are driving to work and you're behind a car that matches his, it's even the same color...and memories flood back. When "your song" comes on the radio at the most unexpected time, and tears instantly flood your eyes. When you can't go into certain restaurants because that was "our place". Or when you're at the mall and you spot some guy walking who looks just like him, and your breath catches in your chest...because it's not him. He's gone.

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I get it. And though I've long been called "mellow dramatic" at times, I love hard. I love long. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care much, and with that comes something that hurts: loss. We girls who love hard also grieve hard. Which means we cry hard, we miss hard, and we struggle hard.

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

-Job 1:21

Cry it out, darlin'. And know... from a fellow once-heartbroken sister, that you're gonna be okay. Trust me...I really thought I was not gonna be okay. And I am. You're headed for a better life.

I remember thinking that I would rather have severe physical pain than continue to experience the emotional trauma I was going through due to a breakup.

You give a little piece of your heart away, a piece you can never get back.

And that hurts. Alot.

In a way, I know there's nothing I can say (or anyone else) that can make it all better. No amount of break-up CD mixes from your girlfriends, chocolate bars, sad movies to cry to, or the well-meaning "it's OK, he wasn't that great of a guy anyway" that can make you feel better. Only God can. The Lord. Your King. Who knows your heart better than you do... who loves you more than "he" ever did. Who cries with you, and wipes away your tears.

I also know, time heals wounds. It really, really does. Time can be your best friend. Don't rush it. One step at a time, girlfriend. Even though it doesn't feel like it, you're gonna smile again. (I promise!)

I find this comforting, when the Lord allows things I don't understand. He is in control of people's hearts. Yes, people have free choice, but He softens. He hardens. He is in charge.

“The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes.”

–Proverbs 21:1

I also know, suffering and loss make us stronger. And more compassionate. It makes us depend on the Lord more. I read this the other day and think it's true: